If you’re in your 30s, it’s no longer “love is all you need,” but rather “a pulse is all you need.” At least, that’s what Lori Gottlieb seems to suggest in her book Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. She asks: “What’s the difference between settling and compromising? When it comes to marriage, what can we live with, and what can we live without? How long does it make sense to hold out for someone better — who we may never find, and who may not exist or be available to us even if he did — when we could be happy with the person right in front of us?” But what’s wrong with holding out until you find someone who has what you want? “By the time a woman hits her third decade, she has had enough time to get to know herself, what she is looking for and how to identify red flags,” says Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar: The Real Reason You Can’t Find (or Keep) a Prince. Don’t waste your time on the wrong men — if someone isn’t treating you with respect, Della Casa says don’t let it get past date three or four.